Life in Stereo

So I am sitting in a fast food restaurant with a buddy of mine, basically making fun of anything that walks in, around or near our field of vision - now, he and I have a thing, not for each other mind you, god this is not that kind of story .. anyway, we have a thing, 'do not make eye contact with unsavory types and unsavory types won't mess with you' ...

It kinda works.

Really -

Except for this instance.

A couple of gang banging bros walk into the place, all hard and shit. A bandana is pulled down over the top hadlf of ones eyes, baggy pants, denim jackets ... you know the drill - well, they POP the double doors open with authority and start checking the place out - sizing it up I guess.

So enters our 'thing'.

Unfortunately, I panic.  Not quite sure what to do I look directly at them. What can I say? I fucking panicked - not just a look though, enough to draw attention to myself - oh god, I think - this is where I die.

Well homie number one and homie number two lock eyes with me and abruptly start walking towards me - on a mission .... I swallow, and take what may be my last breath.

Homie number one, hand in pocket, with the other on his belt with his thumb in his pants, starts talking while quickly pulling his hand out of his pocket to point at me like a handgun held sideways.

"Do you drive a white PT Cruiser?" he says with menacing body language.

"Uh, no?" Says I reluctantly.

"Oh man," he says, truly bummed he continues, "That's okay I guess, there is just one in the parking lot with its lights on, I mean ... I would hate it if someone were to get back to their car and the battery is dead - I know people don't stay in here for long but you never know."

And they walked on to the next table.

What the fuck?

I guess we don't die today.

Irony Ousting Itself from the World

Irony lobbies to have itself removed from the English language altogether.

In a plot twist likened to the works of Palahniuk, the word irony has ironically filed an injunction, furthering its steps for having itself eradicated from the English language.

"Not since the likes of Rowe vs. Wade have I seen such a driven force" stated the Judge at the proceeding prior to the courts dismissal.

"It all started with that stupid song," Irony replied, "and now there are the Hipsters? Just let me die in peace!"

Noah Webster, as being channeled through a psychic stated: "We [at] Meriam-Webster are in full support of Ironies plight, irony is a word that no one even knows the definition for anymore - I mean, Jesus! Does anybody even pick up a dictionary anymore? Henceforth attempt learning how to spell correctly?

Irony's first disflavor for itself occurred in 1996 with Alanis Morisettes single "Ironic".

"There is nothing even remotely ironic ever mentioned in that song" he said, "it's just a whole bunch of shit, nothing but a series of unfortunate events."

This is true.

The proverbial nail in the coffin was born down in SoHo with the uprising of the downfall, otherwise known as Hipsters.

According to hipster code, which apparently doesn't exist, there are a multitude of ironic symbols in their culture.

Mustaches, T-shirts, hairstyles and shoes, for example, must all be of an ironic tone - which according to irony is not ironic at all, only stupid.

This isn't a suicide mission, or a cry for attention, this is the real deal.  Expect a world soon where nothing is ironic because it can't be - a sad world indeed, yes I really do think.