Whilst in Rome

Irony is lead.
Lead kills humans. Drives them crazy and poisons them. Humans can absorb it through contact, ingest it, breathe its fumes.
Over time it kills them.
Rome was a mighty Empire.
They controlled the western world.
Their citizens were the object of barbarian Jealousy the world over.
The Government of Rome, was for the people and by the people.
Sort of.
They did try to make life easier for the mob.
Free bread and cheap tickets to the spectacles.
Chariot races, the games, the gladiators.
Keep the mob entertained and they love you.
Their public works department did all it could to keep the empire running smoothly.
Running water, flush toilets, Public Bath houses.
An abundance of everything.
To maximize the ease, and to prevent waste.
They used pipes and lined the aqueducts with a leak proof material. Their irrigation canals were covered and lined. The bath Houses were fed with large pipes and pumps, bringing in fresh water and taking away the soiled water. To be used in irrigation, watering the plants that they ate.
Very efficient and smooth.
They used Lead.
Lead pipes.
Lead Aqueducts.
Lead Tubs and sinks for the wealthy.
Lead irrigation systems.
Lead.
What they intended was ease and comfort.
What they expected was for their world to go on forever.
What they got was madness.
A crumbling empire defeated by the barbarian armies trained by Romans.
lead.
This is irony.

Idiot

Lets just talk about one line.

"A no smoking sign on your cigarette break"

This is not irony.

Its idiocy.

What kind of a moron goes out to take a smoke break where its not allowed? 

An idiot.

Its like this. You work at a place long enough to be allowed breaks, you have obviously spent enough time there to know your way around.

Why would you go smoke under a "No Smoking" sign.

Either you are an idiot, in which case it is not "Ironic."

Or you are a fucking Hipster. In which case you are an Idiot.

Famous

Somebody came up to me the other day and said that I look like someone famous.

"That sucks!" I said to them, "and thanks for ruining my fucking day! Get out of my damn face for saying something like that to me."

The worst part of it all is that I don't feel famous.

Pseudonym.

Someone asked me the other day: "what is a pseudonym?"

I told them that it is a type of cold medicine.

Okay, they said to me.

Okay.

Irony Ousting Itself from the World

Irony lobbies to have itself removed from the English language altogether.

In a plot twist likened to the works of Palahniuk, the word irony has ironically filed an injunction, furthering its steps for having itself eradicated from the English language.

"Not since the likes of Rowe vs. Wade have I seen such a driven force" stated the Judge at the proceeding prior to the courts dismissal.

"It all started with that stupid song," Irony replied, "and now there are the Hipsters? Just let me die in peace!"

Noah Webster, as being channeled through a psychic stated: "We [at] Meriam-Webster are in full support of Ironies plight, irony is a word that no one even knows the definition for anymore - I mean, Jesus! Does anybody even pick up a dictionary anymore? Henceforth attempt learning how to spell correctly?

Irony's first disflavor for itself occurred in 1996 with Alanis Morisettes single "Ironic".

"There is nothing even remotely ironic ever mentioned in that song" he said, "it's just a whole bunch of shit, nothing but a series of unfortunate events."

This is true.

The proverbial nail in the coffin was born down in SoHo with the uprising of the downfall, otherwise known as Hipsters.

According to hipster code, which apparently doesn't exist, there are a multitude of ironic symbols in their culture.

Mustaches, T-shirts, hairstyles and shoes, for example, must all be of an ironic tone - which according to irony is not ironic at all, only stupid.

This isn't a suicide mission, or a cry for attention, this is the real deal.  Expect a world soon where nothing is ironic because it can't be - a sad world indeed, yes I really do think.

More Ironic Than Ironic

Can something be "a little too ironic"?

To my mind, it either is or it isn't. 

There is no middle ground.

Irony Defined...Seriously, this is the definition according to Webster

iro·ny

 noun \ˈī-rə-nē also ˈī(-ə)r-nē\

1: a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other's false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning - called also Socratic irony


2 a: the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning


b: a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony


c: an ironic expression or utterance


3 a: (1) incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result (2): an event or result marked by such incongruity.


b: incongruity between a situation developed in a drama and the accompanying words or actions that is understood by the audience but not by the characters in the play  - called also dramatic irony, tragic irony. 

SO QUIT FUCKING IT UP!