.: Moonchild

.: Moonchild

Skunk Ass

I don't know if this is Irony?
I have another Blog, several that I write for in no particular order.
I have had some really popular blogs, some really bad ones.
One of them that consistently gets the most "hits" and I have no idea why.
Its just an experience my family had with a skunk.
Thousands of families have dogs that get skunked every year, they must.
Thousands of blogs and articles and stories on-line and elsewhere about the noxious fumes produced by the black and white member of the weasel family.
I wondered and wondered why so many people, most of them from the UK and Russia, Germany and other European places click on that particular blog every day.
So I used this cool little ap thing, to show me what words were being searched for.
Guess what I found?
Skunk-ass.
The Blog is mostly about trying to clean up the smell, to kill or not to kill the dog and or the MIL. I actually only mention Skunk-ass only once. Its not a focal point of the blog, its an afterthought. Yet, for some reason, Skunk-ass draws in readers by the thousands. Really, 8441 as of right now.
Not really Irony, more of just a really odd coincidence.
However, I cant help thinking of what would make it Ironic.
Possibly if they were searching for a famous European Par-fume called SKUNKAZZ, or maybe if the word Skunkass, in German, or Russian, or some odd Latin based language that I have never heard off, means "Delicate Scent" or some other such nonsense.
Its not really Irony.
Just a curious happening.

Life in Stereo

So I am sitting in a fast food restaurant with a buddy of mine, basically making fun of anything that walks in, around or near our field of vision - now, he and I have a thing, not for each other mind you, god this is not that kind of story .. anyway, we have a thing, 'do not make eye contact with unsavory types and unsavory types won't mess with you' ...

It kinda works.

Really -

Except for this instance.

A couple of gang banging bros walk into the place, all hard and shit. A bandana is pulled down over the top hadlf of ones eyes, baggy pants, denim jackets ... you know the drill - well, they POP the double doors open with authority and start checking the place out - sizing it up I guess.

So enters our 'thing'.

Unfortunately, I panic.  Not quite sure what to do I look directly at them. What can I say? I fucking panicked - not just a look though, enough to draw attention to myself - oh god, I think - this is where I die.

Well homie number one and homie number two lock eyes with me and abruptly start walking towards me - on a mission .... I swallow, and take what may be my last breath.

Homie number one, hand in pocket, with the other on his belt with his thumb in his pants, starts talking while quickly pulling his hand out of his pocket to point at me like a handgun held sideways.

"Do you drive a white PT Cruiser?" he says with menacing body language.

"Uh, no?" Says I reluctantly.

"Oh man," he says, truly bummed he continues, "That's okay I guess, there is just one in the parking lot with its lights on, I mean ... I would hate it if someone were to get back to their car and the battery is dead - I know people don't stay in here for long but you never know."

And they walked on to the next table.

What the fuck?

I guess we don't die today.

Explained

I really should not have to.
Explain Irony, that is.
It should be obvious.
On a large group motorcycle ride. Its a charity event so it attracts the gamut.
Irony is endemic in large groups.
The boy/man/adult wearing a German SS helmet.
I should not have to explain, the irony of this.
Especially not to this little fucking hipster on his de-branded Harley.
They were the cooks at the worlds largest human BBcue. They herded people into cars and camps and killed them.
They were the master Race.
I am descended from them.
That's not the ironic part.
Wait for it.
He is gay.
Also, he is Jewish.
Wearing the helmet of the race that did its absolute best to eradicate his.
At least his lipstick was color coordinated with his gloves.

Whilst in Rome

Irony is lead.
Lead kills humans. Drives them crazy and poisons them. Humans can absorb it through contact, ingest it, breathe its fumes.
Over time it kills them.
Rome was a mighty Empire.
They controlled the western world.
Their citizens were the object of barbarian Jealousy the world over.
The Government of Rome, was for the people and by the people.
Sort of.
They did try to make life easier for the mob.
Free bread and cheap tickets to the spectacles.
Chariot races, the games, the gladiators.
Keep the mob entertained and they love you.
Their public works department did all it could to keep the empire running smoothly.
Running water, flush toilets, Public Bath houses.
An abundance of everything.
To maximize the ease, and to prevent waste.
They used pipes and lined the aqueducts with a leak proof material. Their irrigation canals were covered and lined. The bath Houses were fed with large pipes and pumps, bringing in fresh water and taking away the soiled water. To be used in irrigation, watering the plants that they ate.
Very efficient and smooth.
They used Lead.
Lead pipes.
Lead Aqueducts.
Lead Tubs and sinks for the wealthy.
Lead irrigation systems.
Lead.
What they intended was ease and comfort.
What they expected was for their world to go on forever.
What they got was madness.
A crumbling empire defeated by the barbarian armies trained by Romans.
lead.
This is irony.

Idiot

Lets just talk about one line.

"A no smoking sign on your cigarette break"

This is not irony.

Its idiocy.

What kind of a moron goes out to take a smoke break where its not allowed? 

An idiot.

Its like this. You work at a place long enough to be allowed breaks, you have obviously spent enough time there to know your way around.

Why would you go smoke under a "No Smoking" sign.

Either you are an idiot, in which case it is not "Ironic."

Or you are a fucking Hipster. In which case you are an Idiot.

Famous

Somebody came up to me the other day and said that I look like someone famous.

"That sucks!" I said to them, "and thanks for ruining my fucking day! Get out of my damn face for saying something like that to me."

The worst part of it all is that I don't feel famous.

Pseudonym.

Someone asked me the other day: "what is a pseudonym?"

I told them that it is a type of cold medicine.

Okay, they said to me.

Okay.

Irony Ousting Itself from the World

Irony lobbies to have itself removed from the English language altogether.

In a plot twist likened to the works of Palahniuk, the word irony has ironically filed an injunction, furthering its steps for having itself eradicated from the English language.

"Not since the likes of Rowe vs. Wade have I seen such a driven force" stated the Judge at the proceeding prior to the courts dismissal.

"It all started with that stupid song," Irony replied, "and now there are the Hipsters? Just let me die in peace!"

Noah Webster, as being channeled through a psychic stated: "We [at] Meriam-Webster are in full support of Ironies plight, irony is a word that no one even knows the definition for anymore - I mean, Jesus! Does anybody even pick up a dictionary anymore? Henceforth attempt learning how to spell correctly?

Irony's first disflavor for itself occurred in 1996 with Alanis Morisettes single "Ironic".

"There is nothing even remotely ironic ever mentioned in that song" he said, "it's just a whole bunch of shit, nothing but a series of unfortunate events."

This is true.

The proverbial nail in the coffin was born down in SoHo with the uprising of the downfall, otherwise known as Hipsters.

According to hipster code, which apparently doesn't exist, there are a multitude of ironic symbols in their culture.

Mustaches, T-shirts, hairstyles and shoes, for example, must all be of an ironic tone - which according to irony is not ironic at all, only stupid.

This isn't a suicide mission, or a cry for attention, this is the real deal.  Expect a world soon where nothing is ironic because it can't be - a sad world indeed, yes I really do think.

More Ironic Than Ironic

Can something be "a little too ironic"?

To my mind, it either is or it isn't. 

There is no middle ground.

Irony Defined...Seriously, this is the definition according to Webster

iro·ny

 noun \ˈī-rə-nē also ˈī(-ə)r-nē\

1: a pretense of ignorance and of willingness to learn from another assumed in order to make the other's false conceptions conspicuous by adroit questioning - called also Socratic irony


2 a: the use of words to express something other than and especially the opposite of the literal meaning


b: a usually humorous or sardonic literary style or form characterized by irony


c: an ironic expression or utterance


3 a: (1) incongruity between the actual result of a sequence of events and the normal or expected result (2): an event or result marked by such incongruity.


b: incongruity between a situation developed in a drama and the accompanying words or actions that is understood by the audience but not by the characters in the play  - called also dramatic irony, tragic irony. 

SO QUIT FUCKING IT UP!